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Category: Joke

The Collect for Church Growth

Oh Lord,

You’ve seen the figures.

Show us a way to streamline some kind of management structure,

That’ll enable 4-5% growth during the next financial 12 month.

Amen

Rocky Icon

I’ve used this clip a lot as an introduction to Sacramental Alt:Worship in lectures.  I’m always asked where it can be found and I can’t for the life of me find it again.  @frsimon suggested I bung it back up on YouTube so here it is in all of it’s glory.  Whoever created this deserves some king of medal.

The Vicar Installed #iOS7

I’ve been avidly following twitter over the last 24 hours as the installation of #iOS7 has taken place at the parish of St Francis. One tweeter was aghast to discover that #iOS7 had replaced the familiar pews with plush red chairs. “I’ve been a worshipper up at Galaxy since that time when the previous vicar played Shine Jesus Shine on his iPod but they should have asked us before they took out the pews down at St Francis”.

One member of Christ The Pilgrim Congregation of the Windows Church of God North tweeted “Of course we don’t have to use #iOS7 in our church because we got rid of all that when we moved to using a windows church. Windows churches don’t even have an operating system. Anyway, #iOS7 is stuffy and boring and crap. We’re a 21st century church”.

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Mr Sinjun-Smythe tweeted that “this new fangled #iOS7 is the reason no one comes to church anymore. It was much better in the days when the numbered keys also worked the letters. I know it was harder then but it was a mark of respect for God that you had to press 37 keys to pray ‘praise ye the lord'”. He also spent fifteen minutes talking about how his church still uses a Nokia 3310. They tried a 3330 even though it wasn’t authorised but they soon went back to 3310 as it was the core of the church’s faith.

I’ve got to stop following so many church people on twitter. You guys are hilarious.